Untitled

Mornings used to hurt the most

Waking up alone

feeling that emptiness where my heart used to beat so freely

I remember that hollow feeling in my chest.

And trying to ease ththat pain by taking my daily dose of energy from the source, only to realize that the host was no longer there.

They checked out. Leaving me lifeless once again.

That was my first mistake.

Trying to find sustainability in external sources, when there was something far greater inside of me along.

I was so in love, with the idea of falling in love.

Then love arrived, and I fell in way too quickly, way too deep.

I was drowning, sinking in love.

I kicked my feet and moved my arms, trying so hard to stay above the surface

Yet, slowly it consumed everything I was.

Until surrounding me, was everything I wasn’t.

But that’s what I wanted

To fall into the sea of love

To be engulfed by the beauty and magic of it all

But instead I found myself floating around in a space that didn’t exist,

a heart that wasn’t ready to open for me

And maybe that was my second mistake.

Blindly falling, headfirst into love, instead of steadily rising, growing into it with my eyes wide and my heart open.

But Now?

Its Time.

To know and understand the person I Am

When I am fully emerged from the waters of your love

Pulled out from behind the curtains of my demons

and unshackled from chains created out of the fears of my own mind.

Because I Am tired of living underneath the ocean

Still alive, yet barely breathing, fighting to stay above the surface

I Am tired of living in those chains

trying to find my way in the dark.

Running from the truth of Who I Am

Hiding from how I actually feel

Because hiding gets you nowhere.

Hiding got me nowhere.

So I’m choosing

To save myself

To listen to this feeling inside of me

The unshakable feeling that for so long I tried to keep at bay

The same feeling that begged me day after day

To stop living on autopilot with my pain

To sit down and listen to the cries

Of all of these lingering questions that if reflected upon?

would forge a path that would wash it all away.

But these Questions?

shook the core of my being

Were the reason of my indecision

Left me with sleepless nights

and therefore, were locked away

never to be thought about again.

“How long are you going to hide from your truth, Ebony?”

"When will you stop walking around with the labels society has placed on your forehead, granting them the power to define you?”

“How can you love someone else, if you have yet to even love yourself”

“why are you so afraid of be Who You Really Are?”

And it is only now that I have recognized this feeling as my soul, that I am deciding to surrender

That I’m deciding to stop finding my love in other people and start finding in in myself

To stop doing things to make others happy and start creating the things that made me happy

Because once you start listening to that feeling?

You start listening to truth

And once you start walking in truth of Who You Are?

You become unstoppable

You unleash the greatest superpower known to man: The power of authenticity.

A superpower that allows you to consciously create a life that you CHOOSE to live.

So no longer can I sit around dwelling over past relationships, but instead I rid myself of those that no longer serve me

I can now, serve myself first

No longer can I rely on external sources to provide for my own happiness

For now, I will become my favorite song, the voice of reason

I will reclaim the head seat at my own table

I will look myself in the mirror

see the beauty and the power of the person standing in front of me

and know with confidence that she is pure and golden.

So if ever someone attempts take pieces of her heart for free

She will look them in the eyes and tell them that

24K gold does not come cheap.

I will fill that emptiness in my chest and my cup will never run dry because I will stay rooted into the only source I will EVER need to stay energized

Me

I am fighting my way out into the self-made dystopia that Is the wilderness and sailing into the natural paradise that is my soul

I am stepping into myself

And I will shine.

I was my own kryptonite, but now it’s time to be my own superpower

To swim in the sea of my own love

To bask in the light of my own truth

My pain was the key out of the darkness

heartache was fuel to ignite the fire within

I am the phoenix rising from the ashes

Burning everything that does not serve in her path

I am Rising Again.

I am remembering Who I Am

I am ripping off the blindfold, destroying the illusion

And letting my divinity finally shine through

I have found freedom with which I will create New Life

And This time around?

I choose to be a light

A light that I will NEVER let dim

Again.

And So It Is