To Know Thyself
The smartest and most life changing thing I have ever done, was put the books down and start listening to my own inner wisdom.
Every day I am still learning to sort through all the shit I've taken on, all the false identities I picked up from others and I’m not gonna lie, it does kinda suck.
We take on so much that we don't even realize. But it's okay because i'm learning to pay gratitude to these things. So much gratitude because its through experiencing these things That I Am Not, that I am starting to remember Who I Am.
It was never about searching outside of myself and reading all these books to be "better" nah. It was ALWAYS about looking inside of myself, clearing away all the shit that was not mine, not in alignment with my truth, or kept me from seeing clearly. It was about taking accountability for my reactions, actions, my thoughts, and acknowledging the stuff that I didn't want to deal with.
Once I stopped drowning out my own voice, and trying to replace it with other people. Things just started coming freely.
Realizations, and understandings. I never needed to look elsewhere but inside of myself. I was afraid. Afraid to look myself in the eyes and face myself. To talk to myself. To get to know myself. I was afraid of Who I Was. I was afraid of my demons. I was afraid of my inner voice, because it had only lead me to pain before. So how could I ever listen to it again? That inner voice was the voice of depression. That inner-voice was the voice of self-pitty, the voice of self-judgement, the voice to which I had locked up and thrown away the key.
And that was my problem all along.
Instead of dealing with it. I avoided it. Instead of facing it, I ran from it. Honestly I've been running from it up until last week.
In my head were all these visions of who I wanted to be. Projected to everyone was this version of the person I wanted to be. Yet, the universe sat back and laughed asking me the whole time
"How are you going to be your best-self if you have yet to even face yourself?"
That hit me hard. Actually it knocked me right back onto my ass and once again I was having this huge identity crisis. I swore I knew Who I was. But now, I couldn't be so sure.
Did I even know the sound of my inner- voice? Could I even recognize my own energy from someone else's? Did I even know how to search inside of myself for answers to life's questions? *Gasps* Was I being co-dependent on spirituality!?!? Yes. I was and no I didn't know myself. I knew Who I was meant to be. I knew Who I wanted to be and was I going to be. Yet, I had no relationship with myself. I had all the lessons and information, but was missing the foundation. The connection to myself.
I woke up this morning, just really ready to BE. Ready to know and ready understand - Myself. This might be the realest thread i've ever made, mostly because I'm being real with myself. For the first time in a long time. I'm learning to take the advice I so freely give to others.
It's time for me to start being real with myself. To start being real with ya'll. And to start listening to my inner-voice and saying what I want to say, and doing what I want to do.
I really have been ignoring the callings of my soul, & whispers from my inner-voice because of fear of being "too much" "too open" and "too direct" but I can't do that anymore. It creates a dissonance inside of me.
For example while writing this, fear was telling me it's too real, and no one would read it. But then I realized I was doing this to be real with myself. I don't do this shit for views or likes. I share my story because it ministers to me, maybe it ministers to you too. Idk
I made a choice to share my story. I made a choice do what feels right, and follow the good feeling. And i'm not hiding anymore.I choose to be a light. I choose to listen to myself. I choose to know myself. I choose remembrance & I choose to offer that same wisdom to all of you.
I wish you all nothing but Truth, Love and Self-Discovery,
Ebony 💕
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